Then and Now

I love going back and rereading posts every now and then.  It's so cool to see how God has been faithful and generous when I didn't deserve it and how much he is growing me over time.  4 months ago I was desperately looking for a job and about to start applying to the one place I swore I never would work: a coffee shop. Gasp! (Don't get me wrong, I LOVE coffee, but I do NOT want to make it for a living......didn't I just post something about too much "I want/don't want...."?)

Honestly, I hadn't scratched the surface when it came to "pounding the pavement" but I was totally out of my element and had no idea what I was doing. ("What?!" You say. "That's not the FIRST thing they teach you in the music department??")

 I had interviewed and been graciously told no by one of my last picks.  My mom told me this during a phone conversation as she was sitting at home and I was on a train from NYC to Connecticut after one of the longest (though amazing) 48 hours of my life........I was ready to throw a 3 year old size temper tantrum in the middle of that train's floor (and those things are filthy if that tells you anything).  I was physically and emotionally exhausted and was beginning to worry if I was ever going to find employment.

Let's be honest, who wants to hire a Singer with a BA in Music Ministries?

Dramatic? Yes. Valid as I'm looking down the barrel of a VERY expensive car repair and student loans? VERY.

I think this is one of those moments where God is looking at me with a smile on his face but shaking his head a the same time thinking "Would you just get a grip and trust me." Little did I know what He had planned for me 3 days later.

I got back from Connecticut exhausted in every possible way.  We had gone non-stop the entire time and one of my best friends got married and I wasn't going to be able to see her everyday like I was used to.  I missed her already.  Basically, I probably wasn't the most pleasant person to be around.  That night, I was checking email, Facebook, etc. and got this undeniable feeling that I should check my Belhaven email.  I hadn't been a student there for 2 months so I knew there wasn't going to be anything, but I couldn't shake this feeling like I needed to check it for some reason.  That's when what I call my "Mary Poppins Moment" happened.

There was an email through the chair of the music department from a  local school that was looking for a music teacher.  I knew the school, it was a lot like the one I grew up at.  Now, something you have to know is that about a year before this my dad and I were talking in the car....just the two of us.  He was the only one I had this conversation with and it went something like this:

"Blakeney, if you did teach, what would be your ideal situation"

"Probably like something I grew up in: Small, Christian school that really wanted a music program but one that wasn't so established that I couldn't tweak it.  Really, I'd love to be able to set up/ make my own curriculum."

And that was it.  We didn't talk about it again and I had forgotten about it until I was sitting in an interview with the headmaster that sent the email the day before.

Remember that moment in Mary Poppins were the kids have made the list of what they want in a nanny but it's torn up and thrown in the fireplace then Poppins shows up and reads it word for word to them? Yeah, this moment was like that.  As I sat in that interview, Everything I had asked for was being listed to me.  I couldn't believe it! Within a week I had a job as a Music teacher in a small christian school where I was writing my own curriculum.

This job has been a daily reminder that not only does my Heavenly Father love me, He takes delight in showering me with the desires of my heart....even the ones I didn't realize were there.

"The Christian never receives anything for his/her own. It is always for the glory of God and the growth of the Kingdom"

Matthew 25

    ¹⁴ “Again, it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his wealth to them. ¹⁵ To one he gave five bags of gold, to another two bags, and to another one bag,^[a]each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey. ¹⁶ The man who had received five bags of gold went at once and put his money to work and gained five bags more. ¹⁷ So also, the one with two bags of gold gained two more. ¹⁸ But the man who had received one bag went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master’s money.

   ¹⁹ “After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them. ²⁰ The man who had received five bags of gold brought the other five. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘you entrusted me with five bags of gold. See, I have gained five more.’

   ²¹ “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’

   ²² “The man with two bags of gold also came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘you entrusted me with two bags of gold; see, I have gained two more.’

   ²³ “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’

   ²⁴ “Then the man who had received one bag of gold came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. ²⁵ So I was afraid and went out and hid your gold in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.’

   ²⁶ “His master replied, ‘You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed? ²⁷ Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest.

   ²⁸ “‘So take the bag of gold from him and give it to the one who has ten bags. ²⁹ For whoever has will be given more, and they will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what they have will be taken from them. ³⁰ And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’

The Sermon this morning was on this parable and it kind of rocked my world a little. Our Pastor pointed out 3 points from this passage:

1. Each and every believer is given talents 
2. One day we will be called to account for each of these talents
3. Every believer will be given a reward beyond our wildest imagination.

I think the biggest thing that hit me was how wasteful we are with the gifts and talents we've been given.  The pastor talked about the lazy servant.  It was not that he did something wrong, he was punished because he did NOTHING AT ALL.  Woah.  He used a quote by someone I can't remember but it definitely hit home: 

"To have done no harm is enough for a stone, but not for those made in the image of God"

I also realized how often in my life I've used the phrase "I do/don't want....."  

I don't want to perform because it would take me away from my family 

I don't want to lose my privacy 

I want to be able to get married and have kids and I can't do that when performing 

I don't want to live in a big city like New York

I'm in the time of life where you are constantly looking forward to what the future holds and how I get there, but not once did I stop and REALLY ask what God wanted for me.  I mean, I am constantly asking, but many times I'm not fully listening or I'm only hearing what I want to hear.  For a long time I didn't want to become a performer, I had a plan that didn't include travel and publicity and it made a friend of mine very frustrated with me.  He didn't understand why I would waste the talent he saw in my voice. He thought I should be working towards a performance degree and a career in performance. I was flattered but I didn't really think that much of it......until today.  

After the sermon this morning, I started thinking.  When making my plans I didn't once stop to consider what God did or did not want for my life.  I knew exactly what I wanted and that was all that mattered.  It didn't cross my mind that if He wanted ALL of those things for me, there was nothing to stop that from happening.  If He wanted me to, I could have it all....no big deal. Why do I have such a finite view of my Savior?  

I still don't really know what I will be doing for the rest of my life.  I could be a big time opera singer or may called to stay in the opera world closer to home or maybe I am meant to be a mom or a teacher.  I haven't been given that answer yet, but I do have a renewed energy to hone the talents I've been given and to do it for the glory of the Father and the Kingdom no matter what I end up doing.  That in and of itself is a blessing.  

If you would like to listen to the actual sermon you can go here

Just a Few Thoughts....

Caramel Apple Spice makes any day better

I wish we were all as honest as 4 year olds.  They say and ask the questions the rest of us keep to ourselves, but without the awkwardness and the hurt feelings. They just say it and move on.

Being a teacher and a student at the same time is an interesting perspective......definitely keeps me positive on both sides

The sky looks like its about it's about to open up......and I wish it would, though it would mean me getting soaked....should have thought of the the umbrella this morning...at 6am

There's something comforting about Barnes & Noble

Fall may be turning into my favorite time of year.

Signs of Fall

The weather is FINALLY starting to cool off!......at least enough that I can roll my car windows down :)
I thought is was probably about time that I shared some of my favorite fall things:

1. I love love love LOVE when the leaves change color!! The oranges, reds, yellows and purples always seem to warm my heart and somehow make me feel more creative!

2. One of my favorite articles of clothing is boots! I can't wait until I get to pull those babies out! Needless to say, I've been wearing them almost everyday :) Leather, Cowboy or what ever, they can be dressed up or dressed down

3. Fall is not officially here until I've had one of these:

Starbuck's Carmel Apple Spice has become an essential part of fall for me.  Heaven only knows, how much I spend on this delightful drink from september to november.......or if I'm honest until spring comes ;) 

4. JEANS!!! If you know me at all you know I live in these things (even in the summer) but they are most comfortable and stylish in the fall.  In this season they are at their full glory.  And they go great with boots ;) 

What are some of your favorite fall things? 

A small side note: I realize my life isn't exactly the most exciting so I want YOU to tell me what kind of things you'd like to hear from me about! Come on! Give me SOMETHING....or else it might just be more boring favorites posts :) 

I promise, I haven't dropped off the face of the Earth!

Yes, I'm still alive! I know it's been several months but, I promise, there is a very good reason! About 4 months ago my computer decided it had had enough and finally gave up on me and bit the dust.  They told me the motherboard was fried and it was a better idea to just get a new computer.  I haven't done that yet, but hopefully soon! Until then, posts are going to be a little spotty.  Though, i'm not even sure anyone is still reading this so I guess it doesn't matter haha

Quick life update! I found a full time job teaching music to elementary students and I'm loving it!! Other than that, there's not much going on.  It's been so nice to only focus on music and I feel like I'm learning even more teaching than I did while I was actually in school.  I want to celebrate being back with a post I've wanted to do for awhile:

SCHOOL SUPPLIES!!! So I have this weird love for buying school supplies.....whether I need them or not. There's just something about getting cute new notebooks, fun pens and LOADS of sticky notes that make me smile so I thought I'd share a few of my favorites:

1. Sticky Notes....I'm not sure what I would do with out these convenient little things.  If you would look on my desk they are EVERYWHERE! I would like to thank who ever it is that created them, you are a genius friend! They come in all sorts of crazy colors and sizes and there's always a new kind to find:

2. Sharpie Pens! I have a friend who collects sharpies....and I'm talking she knows how many she has, what colors they come in and when there is a new color collection out.....I used to make fun of her....not since I found the pen version! I rarely use anything else to write with now! Now, I'm starting to collect them haha 

 

3. Hand Sanitizer....this stuff is invaluable and I didn't realize it until I started teaching.  You can never use it too much or too often! My favorite is from Bath and Body Works because it sanitizes, moisturizes AND smells so so good!  

   

4. Journals!! I love buying a cute new journal! The blank pages just seem to call to me I guess :) Target is one of my favorite places to find one:

5. I couldn't survive without my planner! It keeps me organized when I want to do way more than I could ever remember on my own! Target is also a favorite spot for these :) 

So what are your favorites? Do you get as giddy about school shopping as I do?
 

And Many More!!

Ok, so it's late but HAPPY BIRTHDAY to us!! It's been a year since I started this little thing.  I NEVER thought it would last this long but it has and I'm so excited! I don't know how may people actually read this or how productive this actually is, but it's been cool for me and has let me continue my writing hobby in a casual, not-due-in-12-hours kinda way :)

Thanks to those few of you who do read this and hope your past year has been as fun and enlighting as mine has been! Here's to another year!!

Face Lift

I thought it was time for a new look!  I'm not usually big about change.....in ANY part of my life.  Don't get me wrong, I can be very flexible and go-with-the-flow, but there are some routines I like to keep.  The first few semesters of school were difficult for me socially because I was never certain what my friend group would look like.  I loved college, but because your classes and schedules change, so does your friend group. So many times, just as I was getting close to or getting to know someone, semesters changed, holidays meant time apart and things changed. I did learn to appreciate meeting new people and the lesson of making good use of your time.This is especially true now as life has completely changed for me and I'm looking forward to my new "normal."  The Lord is constantly teaching me to just trust him.  I don't need to know exactly what's coming next, I just need to trust that my Heavenly Father has it all under control and it is in my best interest.

I've been reading a book called "Sons of Encouragement" by Francine Rivers.  The first two characters are Aaron and Caleb, both men of God who were faithful while wandering in the desert and waiting to see the Promised Land. So many times I am like the Israelites,God has shown me more than once how much he loves me and that he has a perfect plan for me, but I tend to complain and worry when things don't go exactly how I thing they should.  He's teaching me how to pay attention and be ready to go when He says it's time and ONLY when He says it's time.......Being stubborn makes this slow work ;)

My Favorite Summer Things:

Fireflys, or Lightning Bugs as I grew up calling them, were one of the first signs that summer was officially here. I still get excited when I see one! 

I have some of the best memories of being a kid and sitting in my drive way with my brother and sister, eating Popsicles and talking.  I especially like making my own and experimenting with different flavors using fruit juices.  These look like fun to try to:  Grape,  Strawberry Short Cake and Fun Shaped!

If I could have had my way, I would have been barefoot from the time I could walk, but seeing as that is impossible, flip flops are the next best thing! (Don't get me wrong, I LOVE shoes, but we'll save that for another post ;) It wouldn't be long before even these got kicked off, but to this day they still symbolize summer for me! These are some of my favorites. 

 

 

 As a child Summer also meant longer days and more hours to play outside.  I still love the extra hours but I also love the sunsets that I get to watch every night.  Living in a city, sometimes it's hard to really see them,  but every now and then we get one that just blows me away and reminds me how creative our Creator is.

And as any good southern girl does......

 I love my Sweet Tea :) 

 

 

What are some of your favorite summer memories? 

It's Summertime

It's been a month since graduation and I don't think I'm any clearer on what the future holds than I was then....but that's ok.

I still can't believe how fast time flies and how easy it is to not realize it.  Since graduation I've not done much different then I did before.  Summer Conference was incredible and a much needed oasis from the craziness and uncertainty of life.  But fun on the beach had to come to an end and now I'm home trying to find a job and figure out what the next step is.  I HAVE been able to return to somethings I love since school has ended:

1. Sleeping in, this is an art, let no one tell you otherwise ;)
2. Cooking, I really enjoy getting in the kitchen and mixing textures and flavors and really experimenting with what's in the Kitchen 
3. Writing Letters, this is actually what I'm most excited about! There's something special about getting an envelope in the mail with your name on it.  It's a simple something that shows you've been thought about.  I love knowing that I've put a smile on someone's face, and there is something I just love about fun stationary like this!!

I'm also hoping the time off will allow me to use this blog a little differently than I have.  Not only do I want to let you know what's going on in my life, but I also want to try and let you know a little more ABOUT me, so I'm going to try and use this blog that way by showing you more of the music, movies, food, oddities and other blogs that interest me and have been helpful as well.  Here's to Summer!

Endings and Beginnings

I graduate in a month.

A MONTH!

It's so weird to think that I'm to this point in my life. In 4 weeks I enter the real world and have to actually become a responsible adult ;)
I definitely feel much better about this fact then I did a month ago. I think it has something to do with the fact that I finally know what I want to do the rest of my life: PREFORM! Something just clicked after we finished The Light in the Piazza. I realized I love the stage too much, I love getting into character and a chance to explore other personalities and stories. I enjoy musical theater but I think I'm more suited for opera. Opera also seems to touch something in me that most other music can't. There's something about the languages and the beauty of the phrases in the music that speaks to me. The only problem with having finally figured out a plan is I'm anxious to get started. I'm tired of sitting in class learning about what I want to be out DOING. But I only have one more month :)

I am going to miss everyone though. I think after spring break the girls and I realized that is was kinda our last Hurrah and that soon we'll be going our separate ways. We'll always be close, I have absolutely no doubt about that, but not having them with all of the time is not going to be easy to get used to. Not to mention all the other people I've come to love and rely on.

I'm excited though and soooo ready to start looking for a job and auditioning!!

Here are a few snap shots from Spring Break:

At the Olympic Training Center



Watching the Monkeys at the Zoo

Garden of the Gods

Breckenridge

We're ridiculous....and ok with it :)


And here's a shot from The Light in the Piazza
The Nacarelli Family

Sometimes I Just Need to be Put in My Place

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 4:6 & 7

I tend to get caught up in the situations I'm in and the emotions that causes....I'll admit it, I tend to be on the dramatic side....surprise right? ;) Lately I've given myself over to them, allowing them to get out of control and, in a lot of ways, take over my life. In short, I'm letting my emotions become my idol. One of the biggest emotions I've always struggled with is worry. As a child, I would almost make myself sick worrying when bad weather would hit our area or about what other people thought of me. It used to drive my friends crazy when I would ask if everything was ok if they seemed just the teensiest bit off. I was terrified I had done or said something that would make them the lest bit annoyed with me. I've always been afraid of being vulnerable.

Now, worry less about if I've done something, but I do worry about those I care about more than ever. And I tend to let it take over. I worry about what's coming after I graduate. I'm not doing anything I thought I would be at this point in my life and it scares me a little. I thought I'd know by now what I want to do with my life and I still don't have the foggiest idea.

After venting about all of this to a friend the other night, he read me Philippians 4:6 & 7. I was lovingly but promptly put in my place. :) He reminded me that my worry is just a way of not trusting the Lord to have my best interest in mind. We also discussed the fact that we are supposed to be thankful in EVERY situation, no matter what it is. It's ok for me to be concerned about those around me, it means the love of our Heavenly Father is present within me, as it should be as a Christian, but it DOES NOT mean it consumes my life to the point that I can't function. I am to pray for my friends and family and to be concerned for them, but I'm to be thankful even when life gets tough and trust that God has no need for a "Plan B." When I do this, I'm promised a transcending peace of mind and protection.

I'm so unbelievably thankful for my compassionate and gracious Heavenly Father and for those He has put in my life to remind me when I forget :)

Zoom Zoom

Some days, I just want to get in my car, roll the windows down, turn the radio up and DRIVE. Not to anywhere in particular mind you, I just want to feel the freedom that comes with riding down a highway with nowhere to be and time to spare. It's hard to do that in Jackson so I tend to go one of our outdoor shopping centers to walk around in the fresh air, but it's way too cold for that today and besides, I don't have the time.

I think this week has just made me restless. I have plenty to do, but the craziness of life that I was able to avoid during the Christmas break is starting to catch up with me.

Classes can get overwhelming

Work gets tedious

Sleep gets lost

Relationships are hard

Thankfully, I have a Savior who has it all under control. It's just so easy to forget that in the midst of everything. Brian Sorgenfri, the RUF Campus Minister at MSU preached at Pear orchard on Sunday on Jonah. I can be so much like Jonah sometimes, I forget how merciful and compassionate God is towards me, how much he longs to love on us and bless us. Brian reminded us that Heaven is unstoppable: there is no plan B. God doesn't need one because he can't fail. I'm so thankful that's who is holding me up, directing my path and catching me when I fall. His plan for me can't fail and I can't mess it up...........WHAT a relief!!

I still kinda want to go for that drive though........I'm still enjoying having Etta back ;)

Breath...Breath!...BREATH!!!

I'm kind of impressed with myself and how long I've kept this up. Normally it will last for a month or so and then slowly be forgotten or discarded in an attempt to find something to waste my time (something I don't have much of these days :) I have found I enjoy more than I thought I would though and hope to keep it up. I don't really know if anyone reads this or if I really want them to (haha). What I do know is that it allows me to empty my head a bit everynow and then to make room for all the other stuff I have to remember and helps me relax a little.

I don't really even know what I'm rambling on about at this point, nor do I know why I had this urge to get on here and type. BUT I did and so here I am, going on and on aimlessly and here you are reading, probably wondering why you made it this far. :)

ANYWAY, School is back in session after Christmas break and I'm suddenly very thnakful that I did nothing for a month but lay around and do house work. If I sit down for more than 30 minutes, it's probably because it's almost midnight and I need to be getting to sleep.

Despite my busy schedule, there isn't much that'd I'd be willing to give up...even my classes. This is one of the reasons I've loved College: you get to study what you love and you love what you get to study. Most of my music classes are done so this year I got to pick a couple extras to fill in space. My Introduction to Marketing class is actually pretty interesting and I'm sure will be useful if i ever decide to market myself to an audiance through music. My Christian Doctrine class is also pretty entertaining, especially when we start getting into different theological ideas, something I haven't been able to really discuss in awhile. All my other classes, Bio and Bio lab, choir and voice lessons are pretty normal but I'm still finding that I enjoy them, just as long as I have time to prepare....something I'm suprised I've actually been able to do. When you start adding up the hours each one of my activities takes (14 hours of class + 20 hours of BLC and Worksstudy + 18 hours of practice = 52 hours....and I haven't even counted time for homework and friends....and there's only 144 hours in a week...plus sleep...oh gosh I better stop now or I'll start stressing!....."Where is my calander...and my books...and AHHHH!" .....Ok I'm fine...I think) I thought I'd have less time than ever. But the Lord has been good and it seems like I have time to spare at the end of the day.....I just have to somehow get up the next day :)

Despite the fact that most days I go from 8-10 without stopping, I'm really begnning to enjoy this last semester.

I think it's what comes after the next 3 months that I'm worried about...!!!!