Kissing the Old Year Out...Kissing the New Year In

I can't believe it, 2010 is almost over! It feels like it just begun! But much of life feels like it is speeding by too quickly, so I want to take a moment and reflect on the passing year.

January and February brought one of the fastest and best decisions I've made: I decided to run for Student Activities Coordinator. I was interviewed and put on the ballot and though I wouldn't be elected until April, it was a moment in my life where I new without a doubt, I had taken a leap of faith. I no idea what I was really doing and I it scared me to death, but it has turned out to be one of the most growing times in my life. February was also the month of my Junior Recital!! It is an understatement to say that I am blessed, but I found out just how blessed I really am. I never expected the support I received and the encouragement that helped push me and reaffirm what I've been working toward!

In March, I got to take a Spring Break trip that opened my eyes to my own heart and stretched me in numerous ways. The Rising was one of my favorite memories with RUF and taught me a lot about myself and the World around me by forcing me outside my comfort zone and forcing me into not so comfortable situations. It also opened my eyes to 116 Clique and Christian Rap :)

April was a month filled with NATS. It was hard hearing I hadn't made it through, but was another needed push to work harder and come back swinging next time. I was also blessed with friendships beyond my imagination and I was beginning to realize it about this time.

May gave me the moral boast I needed. I made it into Best of Belhaven and was awarded The Most Improved in the Music Department. Suddenly NATS wasn't such a big deal. :) My professors believed in me and that's all I needed at the moment. May also meant saying goodbye or at least "see ya later" to some close friends as I watched them graduate and leave me behind, BUT not before Summer Conference which is always one of my favorites :)

June through August was HUGE growing period for me. I was offered an internship with The Office of Student Leadership and was, again, scared of not being able to handle it, but it was one of the most fun experiences I've been a part of and I'm so thankful to JoBeth for that opportunity. Another part of this summer was the death of my paternal grandparents. Though I wasn't super close to my grandmother and I hardly new my grandfather, it was a rough time in the family's life. It did allow us to see each other which doesn't happen often and has spurred us all to keep in touch and make an extra effort to see each other more. I also learned during these three months that I could exercise self control and accomplish things I had doubted before, namely, weight loss. This is hard subject for me to talk about sometimes, and though I've slipped and need to get back on the wagon, it showed me that it IS possible and gave me a renewed hope in myself and my goals. With the beginning of August came the beginning of my senior year and more lessons. I started my activity job and quickly learned how much I needed others. This was also the time of my last Welcome Week which was a blast, but hard to say goodbye to. So much of my leadership potential and growth as a person came from those weeks and I wasn't ready for that to end.

September meant new friends and along with it, new challenges. I think I prayed and was in the scriptures more that month and the one to follow than I had been in a long time. And I needed it! I realized I had been too long relying on my own strength and wisdom and it wasn't doing me any good. This was the month of hard questions and even harder, unpleasant answers and I had to learn the lesson of obedience no matter what. I dwelt a lot on my selfishness and cravings for unneeded things the world had to offer. But I also learned the beauty of honest, open and vulnerable relationships.

October and November were filled with shows and NATS and more juggling than I had ever attempted, but the Lord was good. The show went great and I got to relive what I love about the business side of music. NATS was also a reaffirmation as I made it to semi-finals when I thought it was impossible to do so. BAT came together and I was able to watch selflessness at its best. I also learned a lesson about responsibility and learning to grow up. It wasn't fun then and even now, as I still deal with the consequences, but from this, I too shall learn. (P.S. Always, always, ALWAYS call the cops when you are in an accident!! I don't care how bad it doesn't seem. Just do it!!!)

December has been a whirl wind of a month. There have been Singing Christmas Trees, BAT Christmas Parties, engagements, weddings and graduations of people I love and am going to miss severely, but it's such a blessing to be a part of such a special part in person's life. It's also bringing to light more of my sin as family and life in general tends to do, but I know its all part of being on the Potter's wheel.

I look forward to this next year and what the Lord has in store for me! I already know it's going to be a mile stone year with graduation, going out into the real world and deciding what path I should take for the rest of my life but I'm learning more and more everyday how able my Savior is, how much He loves me and how much He wants to bless me with each lesson learned, tear cried or rejoicing. Here's to 2011!!!

Just a Few of My Favorite Christmas Things

HUGE Decorated Christmas Trees

Festive Christmas Decorations

















A Warm Drink


Mittens :)

Half of What You Learn in College is Learned OUTSIDE of the Classroom

So I'm beginning to realize something.......I'm a horrid blogger! I would hate to bore you with the mundane details of my life, but going months and months at a time is just not acceptable! Well, let me see if I can catch you up:

This semester has been anything but the beginning to a calm and relaxed senior year, but that's normal for me :) It HAS been incredible though! I've learned so much over the past 5 months. Everything from how many trash cans you need at an event to asking for things like patience and energy when I lest expected I needed it. I learned I'm an introvert at heart. I learned that I have incredible friends that love me ESPECIALLY when I'm unlovable. I learned how much I love having a roommate and I learned that my Savior is nothing like I ever thought, and for that I'm thankful!!

Being Activities coordinator has been one of the hardest and most rewarding things I've ever done. I think it's taught me more things about myself than anything else I've done this year. At the beginning of planning an event, everything that has to come together is extremely daunting but the feeling of accomplishment and the knowledge that I was part of something that brought the student body together for a brief time is more than enough reward! There's nothing like starting something like that and getting to see it completed! I have a simply amazing team that has stood beside me the entire time and have such a talent for what they do. They do NOT get enough credit for what they do! They have helped me realize so much about myself and the act of serving unselfishly.

BLC has definitely been a highlight to my year. I am so so so thankful to be able to call each and every person on that team friend and know that I can lean on them completely, that they WANT me to lean on them! Being able to trust 8 other people that way is more of a blessing than I could have ever asked for!

The Lord has been so gracious this semester! But this post is already long so I'll save the rest until later :)

The Potter's Wheel

Life is exhausting!

But I'm loving every minute of it!

As is evident by the lack of posts, I'm a busy busy girl :) Between classes, workstudy, Activities, up-coming shows and competitions, practice hours, studying and trying to hang out with friends, the day just doesn't seem long enough. There aren't many of those days that I'd trade though.
I've recently been realizing and reveling in how dependent I am on my Savior. With everything I have on my plate it's easy for me to become overwhelmed, which means I quickly begin to figure out how I can pull myself up by my shoe laces and get my act together as the ship begins sinking. This also rapidly leads me to the realization that the is no possible way that I can even begin to get my life in order the way I want or should even with my stubbornness :) It's forcing me to be in constant communication with the one person who can handle an infinite amount of things at one time, all much bigger than the paper I have due next week. God knows my struggles even before I speak them and he knows how everything is going to turn out. It's been beautiful to be able to lean on my Holy Father and learn more about who He is. The potter's wheel may not always be comfortable or appealing, but I learn more when I'm being poked, prodded, mashed and reshaped.

A Bear of Very Little Brain

I think life is finally beginning to become routine. After 3 weeks of being at school, I think I've finally gotten my head wrapped around this year...a little....maybe.....sorta?......ok, let's just say I'm less stressed and not as intimidated by all that's on my plate and everything I have planned for this year. :)

Welcome Week was more amazing than I could have imagined, I'm loving classes so far and it's so good to have everyone back, including my roommate!! After living alone for three weeks, I was so ready for Cassie to be here and now that she's hear, everything feels like it's falling into place. I think we're both really excited about the year to come!
I think I will leave you with a thought from my favorite philosopher, Winnie the Pooh :)

"Sometimes, the more you think, the more there is no real answer"

Defining Moments

Welcome Week 2009

It's been a crazy couple of days! But this is the time of year that I love the most: Peer Leader Training and Welcome Week!!! For 2 weeks, you are thrown together with 44 other people who are completely different from you in every way possible and 20 seconds after you're introduced to each other there are tasks to be completed, sessions to be learned and new students to meet. It's the fastest way to gain a family that I can think of....and after that 2 weeks that's exactly what they are: FAMILY. I think that's why this is one of my favorite things to be a part in at Belhaven. Not many other groups/events/organizations can bring this many people together that well and that fast. It's been such a joy to watch complete strangers work toward a goal like this and come out fast friends.
This year has been a little different for me because I am a PLA (Peer Leader Assistant). The previous 2 years I've been a PL. I ate it up! I enjoyed everything from filming the video, the task list and getting to spend the week with 15 new freshmen and transfers. Those 15 quickly became my "kids" and I had really good partners both years, the second year I even got to partner with one of my "kids" from the previous year :) But this year I'm on BLC and was an intern all summer in the Office of Student Leadership so it just made sense that I became a PLA. It's a little more intense and involved but I'm eating it up too! It's only the second full day of training and I'm already exhausted but none the less excited! Sunday night and Monday went off with out a hitch, but today we hit a little snag: Our Video guy was a no show. It but a kink in our schedule but the team was so flexible and we were totally able to switch gears and I think we're back on track now. So incredible to witness!!
BLC has been a completely different bird, not in a bad way, but I'm slowly beginning to realize how huge a responsibility this really is. I definitely didn't think is was going to be, but I'm learning the details of how much work this is actually going to be, and I couldn't be more pumped!!
I do have to give a shout out to my Boss and friend Jo Beth Petty. 3 years ago, I was a freshman coming up on the end of the year and no less a wall flower than I had been when I stepped on campus for the first time. That first year of Peer Leading was a turning point in the way I saw myself and my role in college. Between then and now, JB has helped me to grow so much through her leadership and encouragement. I highly doubt that I would be who I am today if she hadn't seen what she did in me that first year of Peer Leading and gave me opportunities to grow my strengths, allowed me to make mistakes and put her trust in me at times when I doubted if I could do it or not. I know for a fact I wouldn't be on BLC or have the confidence in myself to be PLA. She has definitely been a defining person in my life.

Here's to Welcome Week 2010!!

Excellence

A friend and Co-worker handed this out in our meeting yesterday. It's funny the things the Lord uses to get your attention. I felt like the author had gotten inside my head and written down my thoughts, hopes and fears and then put it down on paper. I was suddenly very convicted, humbled and excited all at the same time.....so I thought I'd share :)

Prayer of Excellence

In the world of the ordinary, don't let me become ordinary.

In the world of average, don't let me settle for average.

In the world where there are so many normal people, let me be surrounded with
people who live above the norm.

In the world where everyone wants to stay the same, help me to desire to move on.

When it seems like I am alone in the world, let me embrace your love.

In the world where there are people walking around without vision, let my world have vision without limits.

In the world where some want to go backwards, give me the push to go forward.

And when other want to give up on their call, let me rise above and fulfill my call.

In the world where there is no passion, give me an unusual passion for your presence.

While some are on the potter's wheel and beg to be removed let me beg to stay.

If I look at my past and feel overwhelmed, let me see my future and be overwhelmed at your goodness.

Take me through what I need to go through to get me where I need to go.

~ Christina Hilburn

I love those last three lines. Lord, let me not ask for the easy way out. But let me ask for the BEST way, YOUR way.

"There's a Snake in My Boot!"

I always considered those who go to a movie theater by themselves a little depressing. I mean, you go in alone, sit in the middle of a row somewhere like an island in the middle of an upholstered sea, stare blankly in space until the movie starts because you have no one to pass the time with, as people pity you because they think you've either been stood up or have no friends and a social life. And then, when the movie is over, you leave alone, get in your car, and go home. Just like that.

Pitiful.

But tonight, I braved the loneliness, pitying looks and awkward seating situations to go see Toy Story 3.

Even they look horrified at the thought

I just couldn't help it any longer! Toy Story is the first movie I remember seeing as a child in theaters and I HAD to see the last one in the same way. No if, and or buts about it. The problem was both my siblings had seen it, mom wanted to wait until Dad could go with her and most of my friends had already seen it or where not around. Now can you see what I was up against?? SO I decided to do the unthinkable and go by myself. Turns out, I loved it!!
It was so nice to get away, enjoy the ride to the theater by myself with the music I wanted to listen to, get there when I wanted to and sit where I wanted without anyone else having complaints. I need to say right here that my friends and family are not overly pick about all of this, but it's just nice sometimes to only have to worry about one's self.
I was also able to let myself go emotionally during the movie which probably wouldn't have happened had I been with someone else. I am going to admit right here and now that I cried. Yes, you read right, I cried during Toy Story 3. I'm not ashamed to tell you about it, you watching me cry would have been a different story, but no one was there so it didn't matter....or at least anyone I will be seeing again.

I love my friends, I love going to movies with my friends. Don't worry, I won't make this a habit :) but I may enjoy going by myself more every now and then when I really need to get away and decompress.

More Silliness

Here's another one of my poem/verse/song writings.....again, not anything grand....in fact you may want to stop reading here :)

Invisible Line

I was so sure of what we were

Knew when to stay and when to go

So easy, you made it so easy

When did it turn, what made

The wind change direction,

Where did the seed take root?

You can’t walk an invisible line

How am I supposed to stay in step

When the edge is so fine,

But do I really want to know

What you’re not telling me?

Is ignorance really bliss?

You can’t walk an Invisible line

Now every look produces

A question, every word a

Reason to ask why

When did the easy feeling

Turn to torture? Why

Do I ask why?

Can’t we go back? Will

We move forward?

You can’t walk an invisible line

How am I supposed to stay in step

When the edge is so fine,

But do I really want to know

What you’re not telling me?

Is ignorance really bliss?

You can’t walk an Invisible line

The last thing I want

Is to lose you But

Can I handle not having more?

How can I hold on tight

Without leaving marks

The harder I grip

The further I push

You can’t walk an invisible line

How am I supposed to stay in step

When the edge is so fine,

But do I really want to know

What you’re not telling me?

Is ignorance really bliss?

You can’t walk an Invisible line

I was so sure of what we were

Can’t we go back? Will

We move forward?

True Maroon

I Can NOT wait for the 2010 Football season!!! Here are some videos to get you excited :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TNuMFajvKmc&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yGsgdmTgm90&feature=related

Enjoy! And GO DAWGS!!

"I gotta fever, and the only prescription is more Cowbell"

Hail State!

"We like Eggs....big golden ones" - Bliss :)

Blessing Upon Blessing

You know those moments were you realize how blessed you really are and feel like you could just burst with it?! The moments you feel everything in the World is right, (or at least in your little world) and nothing can take that away? When you realize what really matters in life and it doesn't matter what you do and don't have because everything just feels right in that one moment?

I'm having one of those moments :)

I get so caught up in what I don't have, how stressed I am or what others think of me that I so easily forget how much the Lord has given me and who He has put in my life!

I have such a loving and supportive family who always loving point me to Christ

Amazing Friends

I love who I work with

An Unbelievable Community of Believers


A house, cloths and plenty of food

And though I might complain about it sometimes, I'm thankful that I get to study my passion and my family fully supports me in that...even though there is a good chance I'll have to live in a box after I graduate to make ends meet haha

Most of All, I'm thankful that our Heavenly Father was merciful and gracious to me and called me to be His own. It's amazing to look back and see from where and to where he's brought me. I'm in awe every time I think about it.

But I do tend to forget WAY too often. I pray more and more that he would remind me and you and that we would grateful, even when life gets hard and we begin to doubt that He has a best interests at heart. It may seem hopeless and impossible sometimes, but those are the moments that cause us to fully depend on Him, like we always should. Those are the times when our.....my relationship with Christ is strengthend and deepened and it becomes a little more like what it should've been before the Fall. Believe it or not, those are some of the moments I look back and cherish the most because that's when I catch a glimpse of what it should be like: Me, completely dependent and Him, all-powerful and in complete control, as usual :)

Who Knew...

So every now and then I get the creative bug and it usually comes out in some sort of writing. I've written several other things like this one. Usually they are in Verse/chorus form seeing as music is my thing. I hope to maybe someday have them put to music, whether by me or someone else I don't know, but we'll see. I might put one or two of these up from time to time, but this is my favorite one so far, the one I'm most proud of. The others just seem a little hokey to me. Anyway, hope you enjoy this little peak into my creative venues :)

Beautiful

When you look at
me what do you see?
Can you look past the
mascara and curls?
If it wasn't there,
Would you still Care
Or recognize me at all?

To Him, am I the most beautiful
creature His father ever made?

Would he run to my rescue
facing death, to secure
My heart and hand

Are you here for forever
or just for the day?
When I walk through
the dark will you
chase it away?
can I put my heart
in your hands?

To Him, am I the most Beautiful
creature His father ever made?
Would he run to my rescue
facing death, to secure
My heart and hand

You are not perfect
I know that full well
You are not meant to be
my salvation, but there

is one who is to me
all you can't be

And to Him I'm the most Beautiful
Creature His Father ever made
He ran to my rescue
faced and Conquered death
to secure my heart and His Plan

So together, we will follow

Trusting in his plan

Knowing he has given

This time for us to share

As an example to us both

What he has in store

Because to Him we are the most Beautiful

Creatures His Father ever made

He ran to our rescue

Faced and conquered death

To secure our hearts and His plan

Trust

Trust....it seems this has been the theme for my life lately. Trust that this is going to happen or trust that this person will come through or trust that this or that will be provided. I started keeping the word "trust" on my phone last year as I was dealing with stuff last year: relationships, timing, assignments, etc. and i have a feeling it's going to stay on my phone for quite a while haha I wanted to share some of the main things I'm trusting in the Lord for this year so that you (if anyone is even reading this) can pray with me if you think about it that the Lord would cultivate a trusting spirit in me, calm my fears and worries and give me HIS peace.

1. School- I know this is kind of cliche but it is something I am having to put in His hands and something that is going to be a constant struggle for me to give up. Between classes, practice hours (music major, remember :), study time, work study and my new position as Student Coordinator of activities, Juggling my time, staying sane and doing well are going to be huge this year! I'm so excited for what's to come! But I also know how quickly I can jump to worrying, stressing and trying to control everything in my little world.
2. Graduation- I've already begun to worry about getting to this point. haha I shouldn't be, but there are a lot of things that will change after wards. Mainly, my friends and I are all going to end up going our separate ways and I'm not ready for it. I enjoy having them just down the hall or across campus. Plus, I know our relationships are going to change. This is all ok and from what I hear, normal, but it doesn't make it any easier when I think about watching them all go.
   
3. After Graduation- I think this is what i am most worried about. I have too many options and yet at the same time none at all right now. Being a music major doesn't lend you to a lot and grad school is almost necessary now. Life is not at all what I thought it would be like now. Honestly, I think I had this image in my head that I would be dating a guy who I would marry soon after graduation. He would have a good job lined up, we'd get married, start our life and never look back. Oh what damage our little girl fantasies can do! :)

I was at Summer RUF last night and Chad was our speaker. We've been going through Philippians all summer and talking about Heavenly Joy. Chad's sermon hit me hard. His basic point was that as Christians, we are to always be pressing forward toward the Lord's return with Hope because of the prize that awaits us. He told us that we must forget the past and look forward to the prize, trade in the world's glory for Heaven's and hope for something better than the world. As he was talking I realized how self absorbed I am, with all of MY worried and MY wants and MY needs and how much I've pushed my Heavenly father aside and our relationship for other relationships that I think are going to fulfill me. I worry so much about work, school, and what other people think about me that I forget that I have a heavenly father that KNOWS me better than I know myself and still loves me and wants me in Heaven with Him someday! That's insane!
All that to say, There is no need to worry about the future because I have a God who is all-powerful, perfect and LOVES ME!!